If you have been following our journey for any amount of time you probably know a little bit about us.
You might have seen our Youtube videos about how we met or our travel vlogs of us going around the world. Maybe you don't know us that well at all and you just saw us randomly on Instagram (Wendy's & Dan's) and were like, "these people look fun, what are they all about?"
Either way you are here now so thank you we couldn't be here without your support even if it was just random thumbs up somewhere.
But this got us thinking. People ask us all the time how we can help them find someone for themselves. A boyfriend or girlfriend and for the really ambitious people out there... wait for it... a soulmate.
Many people think we have some secret formula to having an awesome relationship and they want the goods!
It makes sense and we totally get it. Success leaves clues and in today's world the internet is the go-to for info and how-to videos. Here's the thing though, it's not about what we are doing...it's about HOW we are doing it.
Before we actually give you some tips and advice to walk away with, we want you to imagine something I am sure you are familiar with already. Play along with us for our sake...
Imagine something you are better at than anyone else. This could be a sport, a game, doing your hair, telling jokes, whatever you want.
If you can't think of anything right now just imagine comparing yourself to someone who is 5 years old... you can at least drive better than them, right? Okay, cool!
(Baby Driver, don't bother paying to see that movie. Sorry Jamie Foxx)
So imagine that 5 year old asking you how to drive and wanting to really get behind the wheel. This particular 5 year old loves your youtube videos where you show your driving skill and having a bunch of fun while giving out some very useful info here and there.
But this 5 year old wants more... the rabbit hole is very deep and this advice seeker is ready to dive in head first!
Now you know you can't just tell someone how to drive... you sort of can... but you really can't.
We can talk about the mechanics of it like how to start the car, where the gas and brakes are, how you change the oil, but knowing what to do is MUCH MUCH different than actually doing it, right?
Driving is the end result of a lot of practice, understanding things about your vehicle, yourself and the road in a way that no text book could ever really cover. You have to actually do it and learn from your own experiences. Of course teachers and coaches can help, but it ultimately comes down to you and your actions.
So what do you do with this person who wants some real advice and you really want to do everything you can to help that person finally drive... or in this case find that soulmate or at least begin the process of a great relationship.
In all cases you have to give each person what's most important at that time and allow them to make their own mistakes and learn from those mistakes. Not dumping too much info on them at once.
This helps them cultivate their own path of discovering more about themselves so their future success really comes from a well grounded reliable resource and well established "self guiding system".
So that brings us to right now.
If you are reading this, we can assume you want more love in your life in some way. Maybe with yourself, maybe with another person, maybe both or maybe you have recently been hurt.
The best plain and simple advice that surpasses all other advice is that no one has all the answers. Again, you will ultimately know whats best for you and your situation.
BUT you can easily be manipulated and/or confused. Also there is "appropriate" and "inappropriate" information out there and you have easy access to both... with the "inapropriate" info being in higher volume and much more available and distracting. (You see this often with health and fitness too).
For example, your friend who seems to have the same unfulfilling relationships over and over again... may not be the best person to go to for help in the same way you would not go to a financial advisor that is in bankruptcy.
With all that being said, there are some basic principals that are true across the board for everyone. They are just needed in different quantities and different times just like everyone needs good food and exercise to be healthy.
The most important principle of love or any emotion you are trying to experience is that you have to stop trying and FIRST start being. Most people do it in the wrong order and end up never experiencing the result they want.
What the hell does that even mean?!?!
Everyone wants love for example... they try so hard to be loved that they do things unloving to themselves in the process.
We have all heard that we can't love another until we love ourselves. So loving yourself requires that you look at HOW you are being first.
You have to be able to look at yourself in a non-judgemental and compassionate way in order to just observe and collect data on who you currently are.
This is where a great friend, family member or professional would be ideal as they can help sort through feelings, emotions, actions, and other things we have a hard time seeing within ourself.
So that is the first step to any "change" or improvement in your life. It's what we talk about daily with our weight loss clients because it's all connected. You can not be a better you if you don't have the facts.
The ability to be nonjudgemental and compassionate, ideally with a caring 3rd party, is what sparks the natural process of stepping out of your way into a better way.
All of our actions (or non actions) are attempting to solve a problem that our brain is perceiving based on what you have chosen as your identity.
If you say you are X type of person, or you only like Y types of things, this becomes who you are. It becomes your identity.
Your subconscious and conscious brain will create solutions based on how you identify with the world around you. Make sense right?
If you think you are a boy you will do "boy" things. Maybe10 years from now you'll think, "actually you know what, I'm really a girl." Well then you will you start to do "girl" things, right?
The same thing holds true for love and relationships. If the relationship you have with yourself is one of not fully understanding your current identity, then how can you move towards what you would like to see yourself become?
Clarifying your values and priorities will lead you discovering more of your "truer" self and less of your "made up self" or "ego self".
Being more in alignment with what you truly resonate with will allow you to not only make choices more in alignment with those ideals and values, but avoid the pitfalls of the past... in fact they won't even exist anymore.
You will be a different more YOU version of YOU!
In a nutshell this a form of healing from the inside out. We call it transformation. It's what our Nutrition and Lifestyle Program covers and talks about in depth. We feel this lead to long, loving and healthy relationships not only with yourself, but with whomever you chose to share that gift with.
After all, it is a gift. Not all are ready or deserving of it even if you want that more than anything right now. It's a process, enjoy the long dance, there really is no end destination.
Going back to our 5 year old friend who wants to learn how to drive. Can you see how we can tell you what to do to find deeper levels of love but simultaneously cannot?
And more importantly can you see now that you really can't DO anything. Instead, you must first discover HOW you are going to be within yourself first?
Of course a blog post can't transform you in post or even a series, but it can open the door to a path of the most beautiful journeys... that journey and process WILL transform you we guarantee it!
- Wendy & Dan