How To Find Love
Updated: Apr 19
Love is not exclusive to anyone or a certain number of people. It’s available to all and within us all right now!
One might say that love is all there is.
Everything else is simply a limitation in our expression of the “all”.
If you have been searching for love, search no more!
It is here and now, already in you. And we'll prove it, scientifically in just a minute.
That feeling you have been longing for is closer than you could have ever dreamed possible.
February is a time of year where the winter months are starting to come to an end as Winter phases into Spring on March 21st.
Right around February 14th, we start to see the first signs of spring. For example, just last week we had two 60 degree days in NYC and everyone loved was out like it was mid-May. And of course, at the time of this post as we look out our window, it's literally snowing lol.
Historically this time of year means a time for celebration and anticipation for the “birth” of new things. Humans have always been concerned, grateful and excited to produce offspring or at least practice the act (wink).
For many with a cynical perspective, this day of love is seen as yet another way big business gets your money once again. But for many others, it means much more… something deeper.
It’s easy for us all to forget that we don’t have to go along with the crowd. Even the smallest gestures can go a long way if it is coming from the right place and with a little bit of effort behind it.
For us "Love Day" is a reminder about what matters most.
As we emerge from the cold and dark winter months this day serves as a bookmark to get back to spreading the love. The winter can be unforgiving and we can unknowingly become unforgiving to ourselves and others.
The cold winter months played a big factor in why we decided to skip winter in the US last year and head down to Costa Rica and South America for 4 months. We had an awakening of sorts and this truly helped us find what matters most for us.
We knew that we needed to change the way we were going about life and our plan came in the form of travel, meeting people, interacting with different cultures and having once in a lifetime experiences we will never forget. We made a ton of new friends in the process as well!
Our travels, much like this holiday, are reminders. They both in very different ways accomplish a similar function, to remember. We often need reminders in life to bring more awareness into our day to day lives so we can clear the clutter and make space for what matters most to us.
On the journey of life, things can start to look cold, dark and lonely... but this isn't the truth. We simply forget. It's not about not feeling those things either. They are apart of the human experience. It's all-important and useful if we choose to see it that way. Everything really is a reminder to get back to what is most important to you, if you choose to see it that way.
In talking with many different people around the world we are honored to hear about their own stories. We are able to see how we are all very similar no matter where we are from, or what our history was like.
What's interesting is that when we discuss and talk with people we are able to boil things down and observe some very common things that we all go through.
When people who report they are not happy or not where they want to be, we are able to observe a main common theme. Many are struggling with some form of a feeling of lack. A feeling of missing some key component that they have searched everywhere but can't find it.
It's frustrating, it is painful and can drive some people to do very destructive things to themselves or others or both.
Although all of these stories are unique, we see many common overlaps. Many simply feel not able to feel a sense of a deeper level of love within themselves or what many refer to as “self-love”.
This leads to a lot of issues in life and relationships with others literally blocking loving energy from being experiencing to the point of pain and suffering physically and emotionally. In this process, we also hurt our partners and significant others.
Why? Because we tend to put expectations on our partners that simply is not their responsibility. The responsibility is always ours to heal regardless of who is at fault.
You’ve probably seen popular memes about self-love and self-care, but what does that actually mean? And how does that translate to a partnership?
Well, you could try what the world has taught you or you could do what you feel resonates most with your inner being.
We all know how the first way usually ends up, short-lived and back to “normal”.
The second option most people simply have never done. We are often too scared to look or feel "stupid" or some other form of "what will people think of me".
The hard truth is you have to be open to experimentation and learning more about yourself. Your true self that is, which is always different from what the world says.
Here is your chance to do just that!
At the Heart Math Institute, there are many free resources that go more in-depth, but for an appetizer, we’ll just quickly go over the topic of Heart Coherence.
This essentially means harmony of the body, mind, and soul through the heart's electromagnetic field. It helps us shift from our sympathetic nervous system (fear & suffering) to our parasympathetic nervous system (love & healing) and we can physically measure it scientifically.
This is the feeling of being relaxed, loved and peaceful versus being stressed and worried. It's an anxiety buster as well!
There are a few techniques such as meditations and breathing exercises to accomplish Heart Coherence and it can be done in as little as a minute.
Here is a screenshot from their website :
It may feel weird at first, but everyone reports feel generally better after a few of these breaths.
Interestingly the same thing occurs organically when you give someone you love a big hug.
In terms of developing a loving relationship with another, one of the fastest and easiest ways to do that is by giving or sharing the love that’s already within you right now. And you probably have already done this with a friend or family member, if not a stranger at some point.
It's just that many haven't done it from the inside, out... most people usually start from the outside (what can I get) and never go within (what can I give).
Whatever you desire in life, you can become the cause of that for someone else's experience and as a result, you experience it twice.
It doesn’t have to be intimate either. It can be a simple or a nice gesture like a smile, phone call or text for example.
The key is to act from the heart and not require anything in return. This is the definition of pure love. It continually asks "what can I give"?
It has no conditions.
The more genuine and honest those feelings and actions are, the more genuine and honest the experience will be.
We all tend to get carried away and caught up in trying to look good in front of the world, especially in today’s social media era. But let’s use Valentine's Day as a convenient reminder about what love really means. Which is to "forgive".
To forgive means to cancel any debts, to let go of the past and to start with a clean slate. From this place, we can then ask..."what can I give"?
When we forgive others, we are really forgiving ourselves. This is love and this is healing. They are one and the same.
This is what our heart is designed to do!
The exercise above strengthens this skillset within us on a quantum level, deep in our being. It's so powerful we can measure and see it in our physical biology.
This is also why it feels like ecstasy if you have ever had the pleasure of pure love in some form. There is truly no other feeling like being in alignment with this natural human state of being.
And if you share this with others it becomes amplified!
We personally believe that traditions like holidays and rituals like breathing exercises help us to remember the essence of who we are and why we are here. If we can remember what's most important, more often, we naturally align with it.
If we can start with ourselves, this will easily flow outward to others, show up in the form of relationships, and in many other abundant ways, you can not even begin to imagine!
Happy Love Day,
Dan & Wendy
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